I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
