Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
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OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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