Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
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if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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