Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
