so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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