it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
