im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
