Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
