I need to stop coming to work sober
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
