We won't sleep together?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
