I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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