I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
