i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
it's like heaven, but drunker
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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