trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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