So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
