when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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