Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize