as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
