Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
