Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
