all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
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theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize