very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
