in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
