i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
