Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
