Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
two words: eviction party
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
