This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
