she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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