You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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