The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
