I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
