Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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