I wish I could teleport
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
