I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
