Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
