your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
