She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
