Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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