Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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