i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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