I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
