My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
