btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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