I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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