yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
