We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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