You smell like a Billy Joel song
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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