You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
