i'm signing you up for texting rehab
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
