He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
