I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
