I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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