Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
