so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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