he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
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I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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