You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
