OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
