That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
