i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
