I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize