I bet he comes in French.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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