I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
