I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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