ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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