omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
