When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
