That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
