Who wears a wallet chain?!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
